Local Minister Put Up On Charges

Local minister Rev. Henry Nonsuch has found himself in the center of a growing controversy. At the beginning of the summer he presided at the wedding of our own Sister Frances Wolverton’s niece Rev. Sally Wolverton at First Presbyterian Church of Indian Massacre. Unfortunately, it turns out that Clerk of Session Harold Muskgrove (the groom) was a woman. While Sally has decided to stay with Harold she will be returning the wedding gifts purchased through the registry at Marshalls.

When the substance of these events became public they immediately made it to every Evangelical Presbyterian Church in America blog to re-enforce their belief that we are going to hell. When Pastor Williams found out he put everyone up on charges, including Sister Frances Wolverton and Rev. Henry Nonsuch. In the official complaint Rev. Williams contends that “it is well past time for ministers to start checking adam’s apples while doing marriage counseling!”

Rev. Nonsuch’s response was, “I just didn’t know. I thought there was something strange about the wedding party. I should have known when the couple’s first dance was to the song “Lola” by the Kinks.”

Sister Wolverton is reported to say, “Let those evangelicals meet me behind the barn and I will tan their hide. Tell me I don’t know about sin, when you carry that much defensiveness and anger…well I’m just saying.”

It is believed that the proceeding will begin the second week of August.