Who Says You Can’t Take It With You?

In a daring attempt to disprove the old saying: “You can’t take it with you” Marvin Shots’ funeral was filled with the influence, power and money that he so dearly loved in life.  As his solid Platinum casket was carried by his Hedge Fund Managers to the front of First Presbyterian Church of Withering Hollar the reliefs of stations from his life could be seen embossed on the side of the box of his final rest.   At the viewing Marvin could be seen laying on a bed of bundles of $100 bills instead of the customary lining and pillow.

During the funeral Rev. Mary Simpkins symbolically nailed a Gold plate on the front of the new iron and wood crafted pulpit that Mr. Shots had newly donated to the congregation.

“There is no secret that as a billionaire Marvin Shots was generous to this church.  Every year he gave at least $30,000 toward this church’s budget, and according to his wishes this summer we will be erecting a statue in the foyer celebrating his kind giving.”  Rev. Simpkins related.

Marvin made his billions in starting drive thru hardware stores with products made in a manufacturing zone on the small island of Zyphinia in the South Seas.  His Hot Shots Drivethru Hardware Stores are now ubiquitous on the rural and strip mall landscape.

His generosity was not only local, but one of the worst kept secrets is that he has donated literally hundred of thousands of dollars to help start New Church Developments in the Presbyterian Church.  This seed money has been opposed by some as ill gotten gain, but since no one ever uses it in the denomination this seems to be a mute point.  Simply put the Presbyterian Church doesn’t really do New Church Development and many have thought the money would be better spent in starting and supporting already existing Shady Thoughts Presbyterian Retirement Homes.

We grieve with his family and friend.  Goodbye Marvin and may we all strive for your witness in this world.

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