New Congregation Caters To Zombie Survival

In what Pastor Cletus Emory says it is his undying belief in zombies First Presbyterian Church of Bowlers Green has started a ministry to help the congregation deal with the imminent zombie attack.  Every Thursday there are lessons on firearm practice for head shots, the glory of freeze drying and what to do if a family member is bitten by a zombie.

“We are trying to contextualize our ministry toward our immediate community,” Pastor Emory relates.  “It is only a matter of time before the undead return, that has to happen before the rapture.”

The church has begun to hoard provisions in the unused Sunday School building and has built quite an arsenal of weapons.

Betty Downer relates, “You never know around here what could happen.  With the church being in such close proximity to the cemetery it is always good to be prepared for the Lord’s return.”

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