Seminary Hires Oldest Professor In the US

After reading the seminal text from the Presbyterian Theological Committee on Relevancy called Rebuilding the Presbyterian Institution by Joe Eastern, President Robert Knox determined that something old needed to be done at Whitestone Presbyterian Theological Seminary. The contention of this groundbreaking article can be boiled down into one thought: everything from the 1940’s until the end of the 1950’s worked well in the PC (USA) and that the 1970 to the present have seen a marked decline in the homogeneous character that defines the denomination. The remarkable line of this important study contends that “when we lost what made us alike as leaders we lost our identity.”

So, Dr. Knox scoured the country to find someone who could bring Whitestone back to its heyday. Right there in the cafeteria of Sunnybrook Presbyterian Retirement Village was his answer. It was Practical Theology professor Dr. Pennybrook Armbruiser. Dr. Armbruiser is 96 years young and still remembers days when the most vital controversy in the church was over whether youth should wear short pants.

“I am already seeing a change in the student body.” Dr. Knox contends. “Students used to sit on the back deck for better reception for their iphones and now Dr. Armbruiser has had the chairs removed and shuffleboard painted out there.”

One of the added benefits of hiring Dr. Armbruiser was the distinction of having the oldest Professor at a PC (USA) seminary by 5 years. “Other seminaries are going this direction, and we just didn’t want to be left behind. Relearning the 1950’s is certainly a lot easier than trying to understand our current culture,” Dr. Knox says with a sigh. “Plus, as a Baby boomer Dr. Armbruiser sure makes me feel young.”

When asked for a comment for this article Dr. Armbruiser was unavailable because of his afternoon nap.

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