From the Back Pew

General Assembly is the pinnacle for every good Presbyterian’s life. Many of us used to plan our entire year around it. When the “lazy” Presbyterians decided to make the GA biannual many of us grieved. Yet, since the GA has been switched to every other year some of us have taken to attending General Assembly reenactments of our most exciting General Assemblies. My personal favorite is “Shareholder Resolutions” from the 187th General Assembly in Cincinnati. During the rest of the year I spend my time sewing cloths that I will wear during our time of fellowship together. As General Assembly rears its head I have a few thoughts for commissioners and attendees:

1. Have tag team moderators. Watching the moderator during the second year of their term is like witnessing a death march.

2. Placing the conservative advocacy groups booths next to the GLBT advocacy groups separated by blow up pools of jello.

3. Requiring advocacy groups to wear swim suits when at their booths.

4. During breaks musical numbers from Oklahoma are pumped in through the sound system.

5. Locating the bloggers table is nearer that dreamy Gradye Parsons.

6. Committee chairs easily identified by their pirate costumes.

7. Moderator Candidates competing in a souffle competition.

8. More plastic flowers to gussy up the place.

These are just some ideas to pep things up. I am sure that my readers will have plenty more.


2 Responses to “From the Back Pew”

  1. Fr. Chris Says:

    Keep pants in the freezer so that you can live up to that Frozen Hosen stereotype. (Only for former members of the German Evangelical Church)

  2. Christina Berry Says:

    Do you REALLY want to see the advocacy groups in their swimsuits? Or are you thinking that this proposal will reduce to zero the number of commissioners who talk to any of them?

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