First Church Releases Infomercial

It is midnight, you have insomnia and you are bored, what can you do? Watch First Presbyterian Church of William’s infomercial on Channel 127.

Pastor Jenny Springer notes that even Jesus, “used parts of his culture to get across his message to the largest audience possible. Loaves and fishes were his marketing scheme to bring about salvation to the greatest number of folk. We are just being true to Jesus’ and Ron Popeil’s method of marketing.”

Watching the infomercial one would think that it was for a set of knives or cleaning product but soon the New Zealand pitchman Bucky Sands lets into his pitch.

Memorable lines include:

“Jesus is the only messiah you will ever need.” “We are calling the salvation that you can receive from this limited offer the Jesus Chamois. We are like filthy rags, but Jesus holds ten times his weight of sin!” “If you act now we will throw in the Holy Spirit, usually a staggering cost, for absolutely nothing. Hurry, while quantities last.” “How much would you usually pay for three members of the trinity? Not 40, not 30, not even 20, but a 10% tithe to First Church!”

First Church has not seen any numerical growth in relation to the infomercial, but if one person receives salvation at these prices it was worth it.


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