You Can’t Hold A Candle To First

First’s Christ Candle

First Presbyterian Church of Altoon is looking for your used Christ candle, theirs has finally died. The last time that First changed its Christ candle was in 1984.

“I remember it because that was the year everyone was talking about that George Orwell book” remembers Robert Taylor.

“I just said it was unnecessary for this church to keep buying candles. So, I made strict rules on who, when and how long they could be lit.”

Robert Taylor who is the beloved caretaker of First sometimes is seen roaming its halls late in the night into early morning. His off limits office on the third floor is reportedly filled with old mimeograph machines and other abandoned church equipment.

Not everyone is happy about Mr. Taylor’s thrift. “It gets difficult trying to find the right nails or screws to use from those recycled ones in coffee cans next to the boiler” grounds person Harold Lutz states. “Sometimes I wish that we had listened to Rev. Shaw.”

“1985 was the last time First had a pastor. He tried to buy a new Christ candle. Mr. Taylor had the church force him to resign. They were a vibrant church of 150, they have steadily declined over that time. The 20 people left are sweet elderly folk who like candles.” COM liason Sister Frances Wolverton relates.


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