First’s Buildings Condemned


If you were planning on making the trip to Selem for the 56 annual Cow Pie Festival you now have a free weekend. The festival’s sponsor First Presbyterian Church has found themselves the victims of an overzealous Government Health Inspector. First Church has been condemned.

“What about separation of Church and State!” Rev. Constance Freeman bellowed into a bullhorn on main street.

Health inspector and First Elder Clem Dykstra relates, “There was asbestos everywhere. Most of it was exposed because of the deterioration of the walls. The original 1920’s boiler looks like it could explode at any time. The wiring is an endless web of wires that poses a serious fire threat and they have no fire detectors. I have tried to convince the session to start fixing this stuff decades ago, but they chose to ignore it. I just couldn’t turn the other way any longer when the strong smell of gas was showing up in the sanctuary on Sunday and the Clerk of Session told me to forget about it. The acolyte candle lighter almost exploded. I have never seen the candles dance so ominously. ”

A public hearing is set for August 25. Judge Finkle, clerk of session, will be presiding.


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