Fountain of Youth at Eternity Falls

First Christian Church Chapel interior 1950s

What is all this talk about the Presbyterian Church being an aging denomination? First Presbyterian Church of Eternity Falls would beg to differ with an average age of 10 1/2 years in its congregation.

Clerk of Session Tommy Jones (Third from right, front row) says, “Its cool. We decided to only have ice cream socials every Sunday! Did you see my car daddy bought me? It has sparks come out of it when I push it. Watch…are you watching?”

First’s boom in elementary children is due to the high mortality rate of adults in Eternity Falls.

“Ever since they built that Wal-Mart and the arsenic mill the water on that side of the river has tasted nasty” claims sister Frances Wolverton. “It is just not right. Those children making decisions that mature adults should. I have attended a session meeting or two to make sure they keep it Presbyterian. They strictly adhere to Robert’s Rules and the meetings don’t last more than past their nap time.”

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